Where Does Confidence Come From? Part 5 of 6

Confidence comes from staying close to your mentors.

Sometimes when I’m watching a major league game, the camera pans over to the dugout and you see something that illustrates this point. You see rookies leaning against the fence, next to the veterans. Those guys have it right. They’re taking advantage of the talent and knowledge that is right there in front of them.

We need mentors in our lives. They don’t always have to be big name rock star kind of leaders, just someone a few steps ahead of us that can be that wise counsel we can listen to and learn from. Someone who can give us a word of inspiration when we need it or a kick in the pants when we need that.

Sometimes we allow our lack of confidence to keep us away from our mentors. Remember how I shared earlier that my lack of confidence was keeping me from accessing those other leaders who were offering to help me? I didn’t feel worthy and I felt like I’d be bothering them. Now that I’m in a position to mentor others, I see how wrong that thinking was. As a coach, I’m not worried about the guy with too many questions, I’m worried about the rookie sitting by himself at the end of the bench, trying to figure it out himself. And if you are at the point where you can sit back and say “I’ve arrived. I don’t need this mentor stuff”, then allow me to say, with the deepest respect: Get over yourself. You still have plenty to learn…and to teach.

I remember hearing one of my boys tell a joke that I told when I was his age. How does that happen? It’s not like there is a central records database with corny fifth grade jokes. There’s not a formal training, a highly refined process or a form written in legalese that makes it happen. So how does the same joke travel 1,200 miles and end up at my dinner table 30 years later? People talking to people. People just sitting down at the lunch table, leaning against the fence if you will, and talking. Why aren’t we doing more of the same? Who are we having lunch with at work? Everyone has something to teach us. Learning can, and does, happen everywhere.

This isn’t a one way street leaders. You need mentors and you need to be a mentor. Who can you encourage on your team? Who can you give that word of inspiration too? Who can you give grace to when they try something new and it doesn’t work? Who can we invite to sit with us at lunch?

One of my mentors over the past decade or so has been a pastor from the Twin Cities area, Rob Ketterling. Rob has a great illustration about his role as a mentor. He imagines he has a can in each hand. One is filled with gasoline and the other filled with water. As a mentor, his job is usually to pour gas on the fire, give it fuel and make it burn hot. Sometimes his job is to pour a little water on the fire and keep it from getting out of control. One of the things he makes sure to mention is that the gas can should be bigger than the water can. As a mentor, more often it’s our job to fuel their fire, not put it out.

Application suggestion:

Who are we strategically “standing next to”? Who can we invite to stand next to us?