How I Work at Remembering Names

Yesterday I told the story of how a guy named Kulani, in Hawaii, changed my perspective on remembering people’s names. I’m not perfect at it, by any stretch, but I have learned several things over the past 10 years that I use regularly in remembering people’s names.

1.  I Really Believe that People’s Names Matter.


     There is a special connection that happens when you say someone’s name. It’s personal. It’s who they are. And when we, especially in leadership, know someone’s name it means alot to them. I really beleive that. Knowing people’s names make them feel special. It’s a WOW Factor.

2.  I Work at It.

     I don’t take no for an answer. I don’t make excuses, I’m a public figure who influences people and it’s important for me to know as many people’s names as I can. Of course, now that there are over a thousand people in our church, it gets pretty tough, but whenever I can, I do. I don’t just say, “Well, there’s so many people so why bother…” I force myself to work at it.

3.  If I get it wrong, I own it.

     Most of the time, people just admire you for trying. Anymore, I’ve found that most people don’t expect me to remember their names. And I even throw out that disclaimer when I am introduced to someone. I say, “I will do my best to remember your name…” Most of the time, most people are pretty understanding. And when they’re not, and they act put-off, I just let it go. I’d rather remember 5 people’s names and make them feel special, and forget the 1, then not try at all.

4.  I’m better with certain groups of people then with others.

     I’m not sure if I’m just more engaged with certain groups of people or what, but I find that not all names are created equal. For example, I have found that I’m very attentive to pastors or church planter’s names, but not as good with the other parents on the bleachers at the Little League park.

5.  I have found that the #1 key to remembering someone’s name is:

If I share a moment with someone, or we have something in common, it’s much easier to remember their name. If we are at the same event or go to the same connection group and then see each other at a restaurant later, I’m more prone to remember their name.

 At the end of the day, it’s a whole lot more motivation than information and it’s about realizing that there are no magic pills, it takes effort, energy and practice. But in the end, I’ve found it’s always worth it.

Monday, I’ll give the 6 Tactics I use to help me remember people’s names.